So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
