Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
