Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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