last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
