YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
