I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
