Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
