No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
