So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I look better un-naked...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
