Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
