It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
