I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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