i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
