Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
