Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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