I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
