I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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