she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
