his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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