you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
