Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
