I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
