I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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