Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
