Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
