there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
