He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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