Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
