Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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