we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
