def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
