I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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