we made out on top of his cat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i will never coherently bang her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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