I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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