You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
