we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
