My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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