Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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