it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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