your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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