Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
