That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
