I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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