About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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