dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
