Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
