how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
