I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize