There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
