I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
