theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
