I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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