dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
