I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
