just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
